that was rhetorical.
so i came out to indianapolis to do the bob and tom radio show and the myspace secret show**. little did i know that my flight would be cancelled. the goddang (pontius) pilot didn’t show up. huff.
now i’m stuck in the airport with nothing to do, so i thought, hey! why not write a blog? and even though a bunch of answers flooded into my head after that, the boredom took over.
here’s a story. i was walking through the terminal a few minutes ago, when I came upon a popcorn store. i went inside. i browsed the shelves. they had every kind of popcorn you could imagine (i think that place was owned by the lovechild of orville redenbacher and bertie bott). and even though they had chocolate popcorn, and caramel popcorn, and blueberry popcorn, and snozzberry popcorn, they were missing ONE flavor – popcorn flavored popcorn.
i asked the woman at the front, “excuse me, do you have any plain popcorn?”
she reacted as if i asked her, “excuse me, can i rape you?”
she answered “this is a gourmet popcorn store.”
so i guess, more literally, she reacted as if i asked, “excuse me, is this a gourmet popcorn store?”
so i asked, “so, do you have any plain popcorn?”
she answered, “no.”
i asked, “really?”
she answered, “yes.”
i asked, “so how do you make the blueberry flavored popcorn? do you change it when it’s still a kernel***? do you alter it genetically? Because if not, you must just put weird blueberry flavoring onto PLAIN popcorn.”
she stared at me.
she went into the back and gave me small bag of plain flavored popcorn.
it wasn’t good. i should’ve gone with blueberry.
well i need to go now. it’s only 2 more hours until my flight and i should start staring at the ceiling before i run out of time.
oh, and thanks to everybody who bought my album yesterday! i’m trying to beat the lonely island’s “incredibad” in sales this week. it’s operation “beat the jizz out of their pants.” if i don’t defeat them, i will watch “Hot Rod.”
take it easy.
** is “myspace secret show” not the creepiest name for a show you’ve ever heard? i think it was sponsored by dateline nbc.
*** or “colonel” if it’s qualified